Couldn't Stay Awake At All Last Night

I actually wrote first and then sat down to do the blog thing today because I had some great book stuff to write this AM, and well, okay guys, I admit, my books come first. Don't hate me. :)

We stayed up to watched the Oscars last night. Was anyone else disappointed? I admit, I thought Chris Rock would be fun and mouthy and shake things up again. WRONG! It was a four hour snoozapoolza. The jokes weren't mean and funny, only mean, which is one step below being unfunny. When I've heard his schtick in the past, I thought he was funny, mean, and spot-on. Last night was definitely spot-off. Anyway, I'm happy Jamie Foxx won (YAY) and I haven't seen Million Dollar Baby, but I like what Clint's been doing lately, so I wasn't crying in my hot chocolate.

So how am I going to work this into some sharp-edged commentary on writing, publishing, romance, sex, or current events? Actually, nothing comes to mind, you see, tis all about interpretation. One man's funny is another writer's 'eh' and one artist's 'saffron' is another writer's 'orange.' Yes, there's a bit more to the 'billowing, saffron Gates.' The latest controversy. What is 'saffron?' .

So much of what we see, what we hear, what we read is up for interpretation. There's been discussion recently about whether we should rate romances for sensuality so that readers and big retail outlets (can you say Wal-Mart?) know exactly what's in the package. So who decides what gets rated tepid and want gets branded XXX. And why the heck do we need to give books a rating? I have issues with this, possibly due to the fact that I think romance already suffers from a commodity-image and I'm not sure if ratings are going to buck things up or muck things up.

If we're going to have ratings, how about something useful:

1. The Hymen Scale – how many hymen's were killed in the production of this story. People for the Ethical Treatment of Hymen's (PETH) want to know.


2. The Wine-O-Meter – how many times must the hero reflect on his past guilt over a) dastardly deeds which really involved killing the bad man to save the farm b) telling the town slut 'no' and so she goes and throws herself at the town's only serial killer where she is promptly raped and pillaged. Usually involves wine.


3. The Stud Factor – how many times copulation is a) thought about b) performed c) thought about while performing d) performed without being able to think at all

Please feel free to contribute to the ratings discussion. I'm sure there are many, MANY useful things to rate rather than sex.

Tragedies and Causes

Taking my tongue out of my cheek for a moment, there was a very heart-breaking piece in the NY Times on the genocide in Darfur. There are so many tragedies that vie for our attention that it's hard not to become immune to a tragedy-of-the-moment mentality. This year it seems like there has been so many that suffer, yet it's no different from any other year in terms of death or sickness or killing.

I'm not tied to any one cause, although I know many people who are. A friend of mine crusades for MS, my mother works tirelessly for nursing home reform. Year after year they stay focused on their cause and work through it, making a difference. That's their goal, and they want it passionately. When I meet people who are so dedicated to one thing, I automatically admire them more than someone like me, who gets tossed from one cause to another.

So what does this have to do with writing? Well, I'm working on character goals this week, defining what my heroine wants in terms of her life. I know her internal goals, but I need that external something. Some characters are strongly focused and don't need one good, solid external goal that carries throughout the story, but sometimes, especially if the character isn't so single-minded, they need an overwhelming goal. Something to keep the story moving. I'm still thinking on this one; I think I'll pick something this weekend, but it's much easier to respect a person who cares passionately about something –anything – than one who's a willow in the wind.

In the stories you've read recently, what's moved you in terms of goals?

Books To Go

There's a story in the independent about books for download, sorta like e-books, but these are audio books in MP3 format. I've never been a huge fan of ebooks because I spend all day staring at a screen and I just like the booky feel of a book.

However, I've started doing some books on CD, mainly because our library has them, I can take them to the gym and listen while I workout, and it gives me a chance to get in some quality reading time while multi-tasking. Sad that my reading time has diminished to the point where I feel guilty unless I'm doing something else, but there you have it. Anyway, Ive become a fan of the audio book for exactly the aforementioned reason. Reading without guilt.

There are conflicting studies and opinions on whether Gen-Xers are reading as much as earlier generations (I say they don't, but I'm willing to be swayed ) and an audio book, available for the iPod might be just the thing to open up some eyes (and ears) to the experience of story.

In recent news, Bush tells the world that Iran is not Iraq. Yeah, one ends with a 'q'. The Pope is able to breathe, but not to speak. Palestine finally has a new cabinet, a white-washed finish with adjustable shelves. And if you happen to see a Klingon on the streets of LA, it's one of four planned rallies to protest the cancellation of Star Trek: Enterprise.

The Gates Revisited, or, actually just visited.

On Tuesday, I took my kids into the city and we saw the Gates. According to the Manhattan powers that be, the 23 miles of orange saffron and vinyl poles are "art." In order to get my kids to participate in this exhibition, I told them they were racing gates designed for them to run through. THAT got them excited. So, we went in and I have to admit, it was an intimidating site, all that orange blowing in the breeze. I haven't seen that much orange since living in Austin, and watching the Longhorns, clad in that tacky, tacky orange, beat the ever livin' daylights out of A&M, clad in the much more refined color of maroon. So, I come to the color orange with bias (although we're big fans of Home Depot).

The park was packed with people walking through (under?) the gates, and my kids weren't able to run as much as, umm, I might have promised them, however, they did enjoy it. And I enjoyed it. It's not the Mona Lisa, but I can see how it might constitute art, after all. It's certainly a big and spacious exhibit. And very orange.

At the Southwest entrance there's a hot dog vendor who served us dogs and water, and offered a unique viewpoint of the exhibition. A crew of six hundred workers was required to put up the gates. Working for two weeks, straight, and according to this vendor: "They were served hot lunches every day. You know how much that cost? Millions. And the radios. Everyone had one of those fancy radios. Is this worth millions? Whose to say."

One of the things that I've learned since moving up here is that everyone thinks New Yorkers are very close-mouthed, reticent people. Nah. Trust me, these people teach Texans a thing or two about talking. They'll tell you all sorts of great stuff, all you have to do is ask a question and then listen.

All in all, it was a highly successful trip, although the kids had more fun throwing snowballs from the playground in the park, than actually absorbing the aesthetic value of the rarified exhibit. However, I was more impressed than I thought it would be. When we left, I polled the kids: My daughter gave it a "eh." My next-door-neighbor's kid gave it a "eh" and my son gave it thumbs up. My vote? Thumbs up. Not way, way up. But up. Definitely.

The Pope is back in the hospital, although devious minds have indicated that the timing is just a little "too coincidental" since his new book is hitting the shelves this week. The Queen is passing on the Charles/Camilla wedding, although she's said that she will attend the reception. Royal snub or just being Queeny? We'll wait to see who foots the bill for the honeymoon before we make up our mind.

Trendwatch: psychics are hot. Jennifer Love Hewitt is getting a pilot for a psychic drama on CBS entitled "Ghost Whisperer". Anybody think this one is going to get more than four episodes? Five? Come'on. Somebody give me six. Six, six, six? Sold to the dead man in the back….

Breaking news...

Demons Spotted in Southern CA. I don't know how many of you realize that Julie Kenner is not only a great friend, but she's also my critique partner, and her July book is being made into a movie for Warner Bros. Woo-hoo! We've told Julie that when she gets an Oscar, we expect to get an invite to all the parties .

Wedding Registry Available at Harrod's

You all know I've been following the Charles/Camilla wedding story and according to the most recent developments, the British are having their own constitutional questions about the definition of marriage. Due to both parties having been previously married, the Anglican church doesn't want them to wed in a religious ceremony, so they're going the civil route. However, the Wedding Act of 1836 defines civil ceremonies, but royals are specifically prohibited from participating in them. That act was updated in 1949, and 'supposedly' the royal prohibition was lifted, but constitutional experts are torn about whether royals should be given the full rights extended to regular British citizens.

There is some talk about creating a new amendment before the April 8 nuptials in order to insure the legality of the wedding union, but others in the government stick by original intent of the 1836 law, saying: "It's not natural for the Royal family to be married in a civil ceremony. This isn't what the word marriage stands for. What's next? They'll be asking for fair employment options as well. A civil union, that's the solution. If it's good enough for all the queens out there, it's certainly good enough for the prince."

And speaking of weddings, there's a fine book hitting the shelves now about a wedding planner: DRESS REHEARSAL by Jennifer O'Connell. It's the story of Lauren Gallagher, Boston's hottest cake designer, who is able to predict a marriage's chance of success, based on their cake choices. Unfortunately, one of her best friend's is getting married – to Mr. Absolutely All Wrong, and Lauren's got to save her friend, and prove her cake theory is true, even if it means taking her predictive powers public. All of a sudden it seems everyone wants to learn Lauren's secret for relationship success, but is predicting a sure thing the formula for true love, or a recipe for disaster?

In real life, the author of this nuptial narrative juggles her writing, a consulting career, and also her family, and I'm always curious how people who have WAY more energy than I do, manage to stay sane. Here's Jennifer's secret:

I'm more like type AA. I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not working. When I finished Off The Record I decided to take a week off, since I'd been working seven days a week for months. But after four hours I was so at a loss at what to do with myself that I decide to paint our basement - and it's a BIG basement. We're still in the process of finishing it.

Jennifer, we have a really big basement, too. Next time you finish a book, um… well, we can talk later.

After Jennifer politely refused to paint my basement, I asked her about her own wedding, and if any of her true-life experiences might have contributed to her book. Here's what she said:

My wedding was definitely not a nightmare. I've got two words that sum up why we had such an awesome time at our wedding - wedding planner. This guy handled everything. You could say we had a "destination" wedding because we got married in Scottsdale, AZ where my parents lived, but we were living in Chicago. We made a trip to Arizona to meet with the wedding planner over Thanksgiving and when April rolled around all I did was show up and look pretty. I was pretty laid back about stuff, didn't care what kind of flowers I had or anything. We're not a terribly formal people, so although the wedding was "elegant" it wasn't by the book. We got married outside in a garden, wrote our own vows and didn't do any of the traditional wedding stuff like feed each other cake or have him remove my garter (ok, so I wasn't even wearing a garter). Honestly, I don't even think I had the something-borrowed-something-blue thing going on. The song that preceeded the wedding march was a Tesla tune - one of our favorite acoustic hair-metal songs from the late 80's that was our own private joke.

A peek behind the scenes of what's sure to be a best seller. DRESS REHEARSAL has garnered great reviews from everywhere, so you should all definitely check it out.

Monday Morning Blues

I apologize for not posting this weekend, but I was getting lights put in my dungeon. Yes, I have a new writing spot that's ALL MY OWN. We've been here for two years, and I've yet to have a place to go where it's quiet. Not unlike Cheers, everyone knows my name is "MOM!!!" and usually it's bellowed at approximately 48 decibels, several decibels louder than whatever is CURRENTLY BEING BROADCAST ON CARTOON NETWORK. (Does anyone else think Cartoon Network is of the devil?).

Anywho, we have a basement. A warm, basement with old stone walls and a pock-marked floor, and there's mysterious closets with clips. Not sure what was clipped in the closets, but let's just say, it'd make a fine haunted house at Halloween. So, my dh, being the loveable dh that he is, put in lights down in the main room. And I have a white board, and a cork board, and index cards, my computer, net access, a desk, and rocker. If I get incredibly motivated, I'll take pictures so everyone can see our dungeon, but not today.

In today's news, Paris Hilton's Sidekicked got sidehacked. Hunter S. Thompson shot himself. I'm assuming the two are not related. Pres Bush was secret taped and it sounds like he smoked pot in his wilder days. Is anyone surprised by this? I'm not surprised. In fact, I would be more surprised if he said, "Nah, didn't do the stuff. Too out there." THAT would be news. And that's the end of today's report.

And speaking of movies (blindsided you with my segue, didn't I?), we watched Ray over the weekend, and I thought it was a great movie. I hope Jamie Foxx get's the Oscar, because his performance was IMHO, (and that really is humble, because I don't pretend to know jack about acting), impressive. It was just like watching Ray Charles, which I'm not sure consitutes acting, as much as impersonating, but let me try and extract myself from this passage with my foot not in my mouth. I love the blues, I love the rhythms, the pathos, the whole lifestyle of the blues. And so I made up a song. Here it is, folks, my first (and last) attempt at being a composer:

I Got the Book Coming out Soon Blues

It takes up your mind, takes up your nerves,
waiting to see how the numbers will turn.
You can't sleep at night, you don't make the bed,
no those 400 pages, they mess with your head.

And what do you do? How do you cope?
Hanging on a thread, at the end of your rope,
It's the I got a Book Coming out Soon blues.

The Times, they ain't calling, and Oprah's done gone,
No, the book has to sell on its own merits alone.
You keep one hand at the keys, you're trying to write,
but the words they ain't coming, cause nothing sounds right.

And what do you do? How do you cope?
Hanging on a thread, at the end of your rope,
It's the I got a Book Coming out Soon blues.

The family they know nobody's home,
Your stomach is knotted and the drugs they aren't strong,
The waiting is hardest, cause the future's unknown,
And the dreams are the only thing that keep you... moving on...

And what do you do? How do you cope?
Hanging on a thread, at the end of your rope,
It's the I got a Book Coming out Soon blues.

Slow News Friday

Today's News:

Absolutely nothing to report. The Middle East is still doing that honeymoon thing ('cept in Lebanon, bad things, bad things...). Bush got a new Intelligence Czar. Bout' time, doncha think? Brad and Jen are still kaput. Bombs still doing their killing thing in 'Raq. No, it's a slow news day. Definitely. Good thing it's Friday.

So, y'all have might heard about the Gates in Central Park. An artist put up these big orange gates all along the walkway in the park. There's been a lot of 'discussion' about the artistic merit of the exhibit, but nobody is doubting the financial merit. Tourist's wallets are FLOCKING to the park in droves (no actual tourists have been sighted, but the wallets luv Christo). I'm hoping to see the orange crush next week, and will report back in if I get a chance. Imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, already the knock-offs have started.

And one last thing, in Wednesday's post, I might have inadvertently offended the RIO reviewers and that's the last thing I intended, part of the problem of posting in the morning before the brain is all fired up. Anyway, it's not like I've got ten thousand angry death threats from RIO reviewers (didn't get any from the right-wing homosexual contingent, either, BTW), but Deborah was really nice (and she said she was tired, too!), so just giving a shout-out to Deborah and the nice ladies of Rio for their work. Brava!

The Art of Skimming

There's an article in The Daily Telegraph about speed-reading, which made me want to write about it, because I have a confession.

Hello, my name is Kathleen and I'm a skimmer.

So while reading the article (in about 45 seconds), it made me wonder, what am I missing out on because I'm a skimmer. They have a quote from the guy who chaired last year's Man Booker Prize (I don't remember his name, short term memory -- gone) in there and he whizzed through Da Vinci Code and it made my synapses jump up and down. I whizzed through Da Vinci code. Is that why the Da Vinci Code has spent the last two decades at the top of the NYT list? People can skim it. James Patterson. Love him. Skim him. I'm starting to sense a trend in my own reading habits. Like MTV videos, I'm reading in 1 hour splices of time. Is Dan Brown the Duran Duran of the literary world?

Some of the bar-talk you hear when author's get together and b*tch is that reviewers don't seem to be reading the book. Is that because of -- skimming? Are reviewers skimmers, too? And if they are skimmers, then is a skimming reviewer like being a right-wing homosexual? (Chris Rock is going to TOTALLY galvanize the Oscars). I know this is a lot of questions today, but that's usually how I feel at 9am. There's a lot of questions in my head and absolutely no answers. The answers come around 11:00pm, usually about the time I'm closing my eyes to go to sleep.

So, my question for youse guys is this, are you skimmer, are you a non-skimmer? And if you're a skimmer, can you force yourself to be a non-skimmer? or do you just accept the way you are and realize that Margaret Atwood is never gonna do it for you? I'd like to hear from other people on this one, mainly because I don't want to experience great throngs of guilt because I'm an author, avid reader, and skimmer, and I'm hoping those aren't mutually exclusive.

In other news, just got news that Breakfast at Tiffany's is a RIO (Reviewer's International Organization) Finalist for Short Contemporary for 2004. Now, I'm sure Mr. Capote would be really happy to hear that RIO thinks so highly of him, however, my book is called Breakfast at Bethany's. I'm thinking there's a skimmer among them...

Tome Death-Match, the Fight for the title: Book-Champion of the World!

Powells.com and themorningnews.org are sponsoring a book-off. And the contenders are:

The Plot Against America Philip Roth Houghton Mifflin v.
The Bad Boy’s Wife Karen Shepard St. Martin’s

The News From Paraguay Lily Tuck HarperCollins v.
The Inner Circle TC Boyle Viking

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell Susanna Clarke Bloomsbury v.
The Rope Eater Ben Jones Doubleday

Heir to the Glimmering World Cynthia Ozick Houghton Mifflin v.
Human Capital Stephen Amidon FSG

Cloud Atlas David Mitchell Random House v.
The Finishing School Muriel Spark Doubleday

An Unfinished Season Ward Just Houghton Mifflin v.
The Dew Breaker Edwidge Danticat Knopf

I Am Charlotte Simmons Tom Wolfe FSG v.
Wake Up, Sir Jonathan Ames Scribner

Birds Without Wings Louis De Bernieres Knopf v.
Harbor Lorraine Adams Knopf

So far, The Plot Against America, The Inner Circle, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, Heir to the Glittering World, Cloud Atlast, and An Unfinished Season are the winners in the first round. I'll let you go and see who today's winner is.

It would be a blast if RWA did the Rita's like this, with a one-on-one mentality, don't you think? You know, Nora against Linda Howard: "Alpha? You don't know alpha. My alpha can kick your beta's ass!". Laura Kinsale against Sherilyn Kenyon. "I smite your Dark-Hunters with my silver-tipped quill!" Judith Ivory against Diana Gabaldon: "Your Jamie ain't nothing but a red-headed, buggerin', rat-catcher, that's wot he is."

The possibilities are endless. So, any other face-offs would you like to see/judge? I'm off to write today (running late), so I'm hoping to do another post later this evening....

Q&A with Us Weekly's Mara Reinstein and Joey Bartolomeo

Ever thought about writing a slam book? Here's a short Q&A on the eagerly-awaited, celebravaganza, Brad & Jen: The Rise and Fall of Hollywood’s Golden Couple. My favorite quote was this:

How else did your editor help?
J.B.: The advice we got was, “Hit the return key more often.” My paragraphs were too long. That was what turned my magazine writing into book writing.

"Hit the return key more often." I love that one. In fact, I'm currently on page 108, and if I just...hit the return key more often, well, who knows who many pages I'll end up with? 240? Well, heck, I'll just type THE END on this sucker and I'll be done!!!!

The current listing of Valentine's Day articles:

In Saudi, red roses mean Al-Islah.
Geeks needs love, too
Trumping the trumps in NY romance

Any omission of Mary Kay Letourneau/Vili Fualaau nuptial news is due to editorial discretion.

Those Two Crazy Kids are Finally Going to Make It

We've been pulling for this for some time, and it seems appropriate that on Valentine's Day, we're all sharing the love:Abbas Declares War With Israel Effectively Over

More on Charles and Camilla

The New York Times has a little more to say on the romance between Charles and Camilla, and they've got a quote from Nora in there:

Of course, old-fashioned romantics are unlikely to break out the hankies for Charles and Camilla.

"When you take it back to its core, he did a very unloving thing, and she was married to someone else, too," said Nora Roberts, the romance novelist. "How many people are you going to hurt to have what you want? I find that very selfish, and love and romance shouldn't be selfish."

I'm not energized enough to write much more on this, and Sunday is my reading the paper and watching Meet The Press day.

However, I'm not sure that Charles shouldn't get brownie points for putting his country before his love. Just saying....

A Fine Romance in the NY Times

There's an op-ed piece in the NY Times worth reading, written by Mary Bly, professor of English lit at Fordham, AKA Eloisa James.

A month ago, Mary "came out" in New York magazine as a romance author to both the public and her university colleagues. Some readers scathingly dismissed her and her interview because they believed that she was dissing the hand that fed her. They didn't believe that such narrow-minded discrimination against a romance author would exist within the hallowed halls of the Ivy Leagues lit departments. Blogs around the romance community grew longer and more flame-ful as the subject-matter was debated. We romance readers and authors love nothing more than a good scandal! And today, Mary has her day in the Times, a day in defense of the genre, and it's not a passionate piece, instead it's a piece written in a pince-nez tone that those who deride the genre will understand. My favorite lines:

The contempt for romance reflects a deeply unproductive divide in American culture that keeps some people from reading novels that they would enjoy and that frightens others from fiction that has the imprimatur of "literature."

In the spirit of honest journalism (which has died since Walter Cronkite left his chair), I must confess that Mary/Eloisa is a friend of mine. I don't like to see anyone lionized unfairly, and IMHO, Mary didn't deserve the anger she got. But I also never want to call someone an idiot because they have an opinion that differs from my own.

In a few days, we celebrate Valentine's Day and the cliches, the innuendos, the snickering, the verbal wedgies will commence, because, yes, we're the women of romance. We must be tetched in the head!

The King On Everything You Need to Know About Writing Successfully

I stumbled across this writing list from Stephen King a few days ago and one little bit has stuck in my head. "Never look at a reference book while doing a first draft." This is hard, physically painful for me because I'm looking for a word, I know I'm looking for a word, Oh, God, it's on the tip of my tongue, what is it? and of course I immediately turn to Bookshelf, my online thesa -- how do you spell that one? Oh, here it is, urus...

Yes, I understand why King is saying this. When you focus on the words, on the rhythm of your sentence, you are being you, the author, rather than you, the character.

So, on Wednesday I sat down, and closed down email, I just began to read over what I had written and edit it and write. I didn't do a lot of pages (six), but I did get a better feel for the amorphous beings that I need to turn into real characters. Today I'm going to do the same thing, I think. The words can be fixed latter, and if I mispell a few words, who cares on the first drafted? The story is always about the characters.

It's been a slow news day today, only I've been thinking more the Prince Charles/Bowles romance and I think I've been focusing on the wrong romance. Think about this, People consider Diana a modern-day Cinderella, but in reality, Bowles is the true heroine of the story. Charles and Camilla were an item starting in 1971, when Diana was 10 years old. Charles and Camilla have been together for almost 34 years. Due to the constraints of his position, Charles could never have married Camilla, so he chose the "suitable" bride instead. But responsibility and loyalty to his country couldn't keep them apart. I feel very sorry for Diana, how hard it would have been to have the world think you're a fairy-tale princess, but instead you're the woman who stood between true love. Kinda like in Shrek, only Camilla isn't green.

Anyway, we jump to conclusions so often (for instance, that no-blown Corey Feldman/Michael Jackson affair), but sometimes the Camilla Bowles of the world have their day, too. April 8, apparently.

This just in

Renewed Violence Challenges Israeli-Palestinian Truce

You might as well go back to bed now....

It must be the lighting if my eyes are green.

Old Hag recently held a contest, looking to describe “…the wave of nausea that hits you when you read about forthcoming books by people you went to college or even once slept with that came out to great acclaim while you haven’t written anything in….ever." The winner was the word "penvy".

I like this word. As most of you have figured out, I collect words like some people collect those US quarters (Have you found Wisconsin yet?). I've got to confess, there's only a few people in my high school/college arena that are writers (that's what happens when you go to an Engineering school), but yeah, I get hit with penvy sometimes, I'm surrounded by talented friends, peers, and some people that I swear couldn't write their way out of a paper bag. Envy happens. The trick is to acknowledge it, put it behind you, and then get back to your own life and your own career.

There will always be someone ahead you and someone behind you, unless of course, you're Nora Roberts, and I bet she grouses about J.K. Rowling, and I don't know who J.K. Rowling would diss, but I bet she does. Has it always been this way, or did I never notice it when I was a kid? Somewhere capitalism and that fun little "keep up with the Jones" has become a little meaner. Is this a 9/11 thing? Can we blame the terrorists for this one? Sure we can....

There's a line V says in Diva: "I watch all the faces of the people at their tables, all watching each other with little beady eyes. This is why I sold my soul, to know that I am too cool to ever have beady eyes. But there's always someone better, soulless or not. I can deny it every which way from Monday, but the truth is that I get the beady eyes, too. Even now."

Okay, bummed you out much? In more romantic news, Prince Charles is set to wed Camilla "The Rottweiler" Bowles in April, George "41" Bush is not Deep Throat, and Paris Hilton will play that 'I dream of that Jeannie chick. She's hot'on American Dreamer. And oh, yeah, there's still peace in the Middle East.

From the 'What have they really been sniffing' file

Discover has this little link about a study from the University of Chicago that suggests that nursing-mom smell increases female libido.

ARE THEY NUTS? Have these women EVER nursed? Ever got up at 3am to feed a child that WON'T go to sleep, when they're just dying to hit a warm bed, and scientists (and yes, they're women scientists) believe this smell increases the female sex drive? Oh, yeah, that's my favorite time to play hide-the-salami.

I'd love to hear that someone else has a different take on this, because I want to have faith in the scientific community... and well this....this really shakes the foundations of my unquenchable belief in the core bedrock of the scientific method.

Did you know that Andy Warhol had a girlfriend?

Did you know that Andy Warhol had a girlfriend? Actually, well, he didn't, but IF ANDY WARHOL HAD A GIRLFRIEND is the title of a book that's just now hitting the shelves. The book is the story of Jane Laine, who used to know a lot about art. But that was before she started managing a prominent gallery, and long before she met "it" artist Ian Rhys-Fitzsimmons. Jane can't seem to put a finger on what exactly is so "it" about his work. In fact, as far as she can tell, he's a big fraud and his fifteen minutes of fame should be over by now. Which could be kind of a problem-since Jane is the one who has to accompany him on a five-month international art fair tour.

To get through it all, Jane figures she'll be a good sport and keep her critiques to herself. Until, traveling with this alleged genius from London to Rome and beyond, she starts to understand the connection between art and love-and the fact that in both, perspective is everything.

The author, Alison Pace, is a cool young lady who has held two of the dreamiest jobs in the world. Recently, she's a published author at Berkley, and before that she had the fab job of working at Sotheby's. Now, those of you who don't know what's what, and have never been exposed to Sotheby's should either a) check out their website sometime, b) check out one of their catalogs or c) participate in an auction. When I chatted with Alison about working at Sotheby's, I was truly impressed. She described it like this:

Working at Sotheby's was a terrific experience. You were constantly exposed to outstanding art and always surrounded by people who were so knowledgeable about art and passionate about it. I learned a TON about art while working there, it was a great education. Out of every job I've had, it was, I think, my favorite.

I'm hoping to go see an auction in person one day, just to get the experience. Actually, I think I'm going to check out Alison's book, which got the following quote from Beth Kendrick, author of My Favorite Mistake, "Art lovers, dog lovers--even EX-lovers--will love this fun, funny book." I can't wait to read it!

And speaking Sotheby's, they're getting set for what the NY Post called, "a Kennedy garage sale", which cracked me up. Apparently Caroline Kennedy is running out of storage space as well and those monthly storage places in Brooklyn are SO expensive, so they're cleaning house. Some of the items that are going on the block:

• A group of three medicine bottles, and two glass bottles, some imperfections to the glass, and a chipped rim on the basket weave glass bottle. Expected price: $250-$350.


• A brass candlestick lamp in good condition, $125-$175.


• Two contemporary upholstered armchairs, described as: "Both seats with under-springing sagging a bit. Both the upholstery fabric on both chairs with quite a bit of fading, dusty scuffs and spots, fly specking and several minor rips." Expected price: $75-$125.

Now, as you can see, those Kennedy's really know how to hold a garage sale. The complete auction listing is here.

And lastly, accordingly to Keith Kelly at the Post ,

Chick Lit is getting a new home at Warner Books. Buoyed by the recent success of Susan Jane Gilman's bestselling "Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress" the book division of Time Warner has decided to launch a trade paperback imprint aimed entirely at women. It will be called 5 Spot.

"We're trying to show that chick lit doesn't have to be a derogatory term," insisted Amy Einhorn, the vice president and editorial director of Trade Paperbacks, "but it's not just chick lit—it's narrative non-fiction as well."

The inaugural list will have eight titles, including first-time novelist Beverly Bartlett's "Princess Izzy and the E Street Shuffle;" Liza Palmer's "Conversations with the Fat Girl and Kristin Harmel's "How to Sleep with a Movie Star."

The nonfiction wing will include "Miss New York Has Everything" by Lori Jakiela, "Revenge of the Past-Eaters: Memoirs of a Misfit" by Cheryl Peck and "The Virgin's Guide to Everything," by Lauren McCutcheon. "It will be a guide to everything except sex," said Einhorn, "there are already a lot of books on that topic."

That's all for now!

How Can A Book Compete Against Canned Hams?

This link from a Boston movie critic has a photo gallery of creative promo sent to plug movies. This really cracks me up. I know we're a g(r)ifting society, and I think the publishers could learn something from the big boys in Hollywood.

Trendwatch: Deep Throat is in. Sigh. I'm predicting a slew-of movie, book tie-ins being shoved down our um, throats. Don't want to imagine the creative promo used to hype that one.

And in the hard-worn fight to de-cheese the romance industry, another salvo right between Fabio's well-muscled pecs Bookslut's take on the romance novel cover. So, question, then. Is All About Romance helping or hurting the cause by sponsoring the bad cover contest? OK, yes, I think it's funny and I usually vote, but are we handing ammunition to the very media who want to keep bodices ripping forever? I'd love to hear comments on this one.

And in lesser news -- peace in the Middle East. But we'll be back with more on that Deep Throat thing tomorrow!!!

Pun with Pukka

Dictionary.com/Word of the Day: pukka Get your mind out of the gutter! It actually means, "authentic; geniune". I think it just sounds like a fun word. For example:
"Oh, is that a pukka Prada you're carrying there?"
"I like her. She's a pukka Patriot fan."

Sorry, watching Full House and being silly.

New Yorkish

My sister and I went shopping down in Soho and the Village on Tuesday and I thought I'd use this opportunity to correct a few New York misperceptions:

1. Snow in New York is never white. Maybe in Central Park, and then only when a blizzard hits. Usually snow is steel gray and slushy, and is magnetically attracted to light colored shoes and pants.


2. According to the latest Straphangers survey, there are no voices on the subway announcing the next stop, except for maybe the #6 line, which has the newer cars. For more fun information and a breakdown of the cultural phenom that is the New York subway system, go to the straphangers campaign site.


3. New York is no longer the crime-infested Mecca that it was in the 80s. Most of the crime is now weird, although robberies at banks and jewelry stores still seem to be popular. Muggings in Manhattan are rare and make headlines. Harlem is currently undergoing a renaissance and parts are relatively safe. Just think, in a few years, Harlem will be just as expensive and pretentious as Manhattan.


4. According to a little-known city ordinance, two pizza places must exist for every city block, most with the word "Famous" in the title.


5. New Yorkers get 'on line', not 'in line'.


6. There are always cars and always noise. Quiet does not exist, except sometimes on really heavy snow days, and even then, the snow plows are out. So, nuke that "quiet city" definition.


7. There is always a ConEd repair truck on every city block, and the workers are usually standing around drinking coffee.


8. Potholes are perpetual. Road crews repairing the potholes are perpetual, but for some mystical reason, the potholes never go away.


9. Alternate side parking has nothing to do with alternate side parking.


10. The only sport in New York is baseball. Everything else is a "hobby."

I think that's about it for today. If I think of anything else, I'll add it.

Musings on UBS, second editions, and baseball

There's been a recent discussion about the evildom (or non-evildom, depending on your point of view) of the ubiquitous UBS, or used book stores, as everybody but authors tend to call them. The reason for this blood-feud? I'll clue you in on a secret. No royalties are given to an author when a book is resold. In other countries, when a person checks out a book, a small amount of monies are sent back to the publishers. As a person who really values her local library, and pays oodles of monies in taxes to support said libraries, I think I'm glad we don't do that here.

My husband is currently taking a class, and each semester we face the burgeoning cost of textbooks. Second edition, third edition, ninth editions, forty-second editions, and this made me start to think. What if authors made special editions of their works? A few tweaks here, a few plot changes there, and voila! It's a second edition, edited to reflect changes in modern times. Follow me on this, let's take, for instance, Gone With The Wind. Think of how much monies Mitchell's estate could receive if, for example, they changed the ending and had Rhett and Scarlett living happily ever after? Or, what if Romeo and Juliet were edited for those who really need their happily ever after? What if, maybe Juliet rushed Romeo to the Verona ER, where they did CPR and brought him back to life, and then all the families banded together and we have the whole, " And the Prince ends out with the following:

For never was a story of more glow,
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

I don't know. I'm just thinking….

By the way, I posted today on Romancing the Blog . So, just for today, you get two, two, two snarks in one.

And not everyone wants to be associated with Sex and the City. Yogi Berra, the master of human honesty and ball player extraordinaire is suing TBS for their SATC ads which give "sex with Yogi Berra" as a possible definition to the word "yogasm." There are many words to describe sex with Yogi Berra, and "yogasm" is not one.

"It ain't the heat; it's the humility." - Yogi Berra. Yup, I couldn't have said it better myself.