You'll Never Walk Alone (or take a cab, either)

I've been doing some Christmas-type stuff, feeding the shark-infested frenzy that is the holiday season, but I thought I would post, just so people will know I'm not dead. It's very cold here (26) for December. Usually this is January or February weather, but no, Mother Nature has decided to moon the country just a little more in 2005.

My parents are coming to visit for the holidays, and usually we go into the city and see the tree at Rockefeller Center, and some of the store window displays, but alas, the black-hearted Transit Workers Union has gone on strike. As only one of eight million inconvenienced at a time when inconvenience is not a good thing, I've created an ode to Mr. Touissant, head of the striking workers, and general, all around bad man.

You're a mean one, Mr. Touissant,
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a subway cleaner, as charming as a booth-worker, Mr. Touissant.

You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel adorning the floor of the East 149th Street Station.

You're a monster, Mr. Touissant,
Your heart's an empty hole,
Your brain is full of rats,
You've got empty MetroCard's in your soul,
Mr. Touissant!

I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine and half-foot pole.

You're a vile one, Mr. Touissant,
You've got termites in your tracks
You have all the tender sweetness,
Of a drunken bus driver while demanding exact change.

Given the choice between the two of you, I'd take the drunken bus driver.

You're a foul one, Mr. Touissant,
You're a nasty, wasty wonk.
Your heart is full of unwashed seats,
Your soul is funk of gonk.
Mr. Touissant!

Chick-lit, the pinkest lit to trash

The Columbia Chronicle Online covered a chick-lit panel discussion, at a bookstore in Chicago. I'm rather intrigued by the serious thrashing that the idea of chick-lit is taking from various high-minded literati. I say "idea of chick-lit" because I'm of the belief that the variety of chick-lit available is way beyond what any of the critics are aware. Jess from Bookslut.com is a huge chick-lit hater (CLH for short), and paints all the genre with a huge #10 crayon (anything but pink).

"You should be sort of ashamed of "chick lit" because it's bad," she says.

I like the "sort of" modifier. Not sure why it's there and exactly what "sort of ashamed" means, but I'm wondering if its code for "my book was passed over for a story about a woman in the city and the cover sports for a closetful of heels, all tastfully adorned in pink."

Sigh.

I suppose there will always be people that are too "smart" for chick-lit (because we ALL know it's just fluffy, bubble-gum with no sort of redeeming value whatsoever).

Sigh.

I suppose I'll crawl back into my pink poka-dotted cave where I write with my heart pen and stare at ancient copies of David Cassidy in Tiger Beat, and Hello-Kitty watches over me while I write in big loopy letters, and of course, dot each 'i' with a heart.

Pen Name Examinus!

There's a brief little note on Monsters and Critics that JK Rowling is eager to start a new series, but wants to use a pen name for the books, so they wouldn't be judged by the Harry Potter series. Now, don't get me wrong, I adore the Harry Potter books, but if I'm a publisher, and the author of a new series is by JK Rowling, don't you think that's a secret that I would want to let slip???? Just asking...